It has been 7 months now since I started work with my current workplace... the job sucks but the pay is not that bad... so, what more can i ask for rite...? But still, i feel like like an empty soul in my shell... going thru every single day pretending as if nothing happened and i'm over it already. Obviously, i still cry almost every night inside my room when everyone else is asleep. This is the third year now, the separation with my so-called 'ex-husband' is still hanging without a solution. Although we dont talk and see each other anymore, but still, we have not really filled for a divorce yet. My feelings for him has never changed and i just dont know why i still love him after all the bad things i've gone thru with him. But, I think that we both know that we have tried everything to save our marriage and there is nothing more that we can do now, probably, our destiny had ended.
I know he hates me like hell and I hate him too but at the same time, the love just wont go away. Maybe its because of Annabelle, my little 4 year old princess. I dont want her to be brought up in a broken family, its not fair for her to carry the burden from our mistake. It is not easy to be a single mother where i'm not getting any money from him for Annabelle's expenses and no one to turn to in case of any emergencies. The most hurtful part is when Annabelle asks for her father and I cant give him to her. I just have to be both her mother and father at all times. Im still learning how to survive in this long and painful struggle....
Sunday, February 3, 2008
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