Trip to KL....

I just came back from KL on 8th April 2008.... it has been quite a remarkable trip for me... or should i say... truly a trip to remember... an experience that i didn't plan at all... which of course it was fun and a bit complicated as well... but it was sure adventurous... did something really crazy and something which i'm not suppose to do....but did it anyhow... i just cant control myself and my feelings for that special person... known him for about 8 years... and there he was.... so special and so fun to be around with... totally cool..

It is always true of what people say... good things never last forever... but at least we had a memory to share together... which i know he will never get to see my blog here... but this is the only place for me to jot down my memories with him... knowing the fact that it is very impossible to be with him for several reasons...but i'm still keeping my faith to be with him... or at least well, to love him but not to behold of him... Anyhow, really wish that i could be selfish and be with him... but i cant do that to him...because i love him too much and i cant stand to see him suffer to make decisions...decisions that would hurt all of us...especially hurting himself the most.....the only thing for me to do is to let him go and wish him all the happiness he could have to save his marriage and the most important to save himself... to give him strenght to be back himself...someone who he really is and not to push himself too much to pretend to be someone else... i really missed him a lot... i missed the time we spent together... the serious talks we had, the time we shared our problems where both our eyes turned red and the experience we shared.... i hope that our fond memories will be in his heart forever as it will be in mine. I treasure the moments we had, the talks we had, the trust and faith i have in him... the pain of missing him that i bear everyday, the tears i shed for him, the drunk nites of thinking of him too much, the feelings of impossible love, the journey of unforgettable moments with him and the words from him telling me not to forget to eat and take good care of myself. its just too much for me to type here... my god... the 2 days we spent together was like 2 months... the time we had was very short but he sure crafted a very deep memory in my heart, my mind and my soul.. sometimes i really asked myself what has he done to my life, i just cant stop thinking of him..i cant stop missing some one's husband... what have i done? what am i doing? why is it happening? why do i still want to love him when i know i cant steal other woman's husband.. i cant wreck their marriage... but only god knows why... the dilemma is so sickening and complicating... i cant lie to myself anymore.... i must admit that i really have fallen in love with him... how i wish that he will turn into an angel and save me from hell now... this is really hell for me... i cant breathe nor live.. it's killing me.. i'm such a bitch that i cant let him know how important he is to me and how he can complete my life and fill up my loneliness... im hurting myself so badly but at the same time, i cant let him know that i'm goin through hell... i can no longer deal with this anymore... i'm gonna explode any time now...oh god please help me....i'm drowning in my own pool of guilts and pains...